What is Lonely Boy?
June 9, 2008
“Sometimes I wonder if I’m the person I was born to be, if the life I’ve lived really is the one I was meant to, or if it is some half life, a mutation engineered by loss, cobbled together by the will to survive.”
These are CNN broadcaster Anderson Cooper words just a few pages into his memoir, Dispatches from the Edge. His father died when Cooper was 10 years old, and what comes to light in the remainder of the book is how Cooper compensated, sometimes overcompensated, for this loss and in fact chose to put himself in dangerous situations as a foreign correspondent in order to try to justify his emotional pain and fill the void.
When I read his words I related not only because my own life has been peppered by profound and difficult to resolve loss since a very young age, but I have known too many men whose lives certainly echo Cooper’s internal question. There is plenty of literature on mother/daughter or even father/daughter relationships. The relationship between a father and his son is one of the most important that exists, creating rippling effects in the world. Yet, very little has been published on this topic and certainly almost no literary material.
This is a literary project, soon to be published, whose title, Lonely Boy, is taken from a song my brother wrote about my father when, as a teenager, he realized he would never have the father he needed or desired and had to look elsewhere for direction and examples of how to be a man in the world. Though I cannot speak for him, I know the absence of a strong father figure is something that has interrupted the course of his life.
Sadly, this is not an isolated story.
In the course of my freelance writing career, reviewing books and interviewing authors, as well as lifestyle and pop culture writing, I find it odd and sad that we don’t often ask men about their inner lives. It’s a missed opportunity and valuable, necessary addition to our culture’s discourse.
In effect, this project merges personal interest with professional aspiration.
When I placed a call for writers on this topic, the response was overwhelming. I know there are many untold stories out there. Please send me yours and I will post them here so that others can read, comment and share.
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Here’s my Globe & Mail review of Anderson Cooper’s Dispatches from the Edge (please note, may require subscription):
Entry Filed under: Famous sons, Lonely Boy. .
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1.
C. | June 13, 2008 at 12:46 pm
This is very true. I look forward to hearing about the progress of your project. It is indeed very relevant to all of us, man or woman.
2.
joel mendez | September 20, 2008 at 11:40 pm
My mom and dad split up when I was twelve, my little brother was seven. My mom brought us back to the US from PR, and I found myself being my little brother’s dad. His friends became like little sons to me, I taught them what I learned in my books, and from listening to adults talk. I’ve been a mentor to lots of young men over the years, and I don’t know how much of the role I actually assumed, or how much of it was assumed by the people I’ve known. I know I’ve helped many, sometimes in small ways, sometimes in bigger ways, but I’ve always wondered if I’d make a good actual dad. I’ve decided not to father children, principally because I fear having to leave my son or daughter. I don’t know how much of my own dad is in me.
I never went to a baseball game with dad, although he promised. I taught myself to tie a tie, I learned about girls from books, and from talking to them like people, instead of objects. I am still looking for a dad I suppose, since my reactions to older males are usually deferential.
I’m 35, and haven’t seen my dad since he left us, but every now and again I think of finding him, if he’s still alive. But I can’t yet. Like Anderson Cooper, I often wonder if my life is what it was supposed to be; I wonder about how different it would be if my dad had stayed. Or if he called. But even then, I expected not to see him again. I’m one of fifteen, and the only one I know is my younger brother. He’s abandoned them all, I’ve only met a few, and I don’t keep in touch, except with my younger brother. I guess I’ve got lots more to write on the subject (I’m a writer by education and vocation). I think I’ll take a page from your rule book….
JM
3.
lupe | June 18, 2009 at 10:30 pm
i have a short story lookig to get published. My character in the short story can very much so relate to lonely boy. if you have any interested publishers give a holer.